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2020.09.20 15:00 SevereAd3417 We (35M and 35F) have an open marriage and suddenly I don't think I'm ok with it anymore

We have been together 15 years and married for 10. We have a three year old daughter. We both work, him from home now and me at the office.
Our daughter was a planned pregnancy, but one thing that happened that neither of us planned was that I lost all sex drive. All of it. And it hasn't come back. For the first couple years I struggled with PIV sex and we only had it a couple times per year. I would provide occasional handjobs to fill the gaps but I didn't want him anywhere near my own body in a sexual way. A lot of those feelings haven't changed. Pregnancy and child rearing did a number on me.
For the first couple of years my husband was patient and wonderful, but he was hurt. He did still have sexual needs. After a long discussion at the beginning of 2020, we discussed opening the marriage for him. There were clear ground rules (I didn't want to know about it, could not neglect family duties, no long term relationships). He was reluctant but I gave him my blessing, and he agreed.
Well, then coronavirus hit and he couldn't exactly go out and look for dates. We refined our rules for him to get online fulfillment (camgirls, etc).
Fast forward to last night. I got up in the middle of the night for a glass of water. He wasn't there, but that's normal, he's a night owl. I don't know what I was thinking, but I went into his office to give him a hug and there he was, chatting with some girl and pleasuring himself.
He saw me and got very embarrassed. I just told him to lock the door in case our daughter woke up. Then I went to the bedroom and cried.
I'm out of the house today for a little time to myself. Just sitting in the park collecting my thoughts. After doing some soul searching I've realized that I don't think I'm ok with the open relationship. I plan to book us for couples counseling, but am wondering if anyone here had other suggestions. Thank you.
tl;dr: I have no sex drive and gave my husband permission for sex outside the marriage. And now it hurts.
submitted by SevereAd3417 to relationships [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 12:17 thrwawayhair Don't know where to go from here

When the pandemic started I welcomed it, it was a break from a life I was tired of, I had several bad experiences with my health, a girlfriend (now ex) who cut me off because of my health problems, and a job that I hated but had to stay in for money and stability while my health suffered.
Since then my health has recovered, I have been eating healthy, exercising 2-3 times a week, doing my absolute best, I lost a lot of weight and look better. Yet nothing is changing, I feel no satisfaction whatsoever and have nothing to look forward to. I love exercising but it offers only a temporary relief.
I'm still stuck in the same job I hate, no one is hiring right now and none of the jobs I'm interested in will give me an interview. I have no friends anymore in this region, I don't know if it's me getting turning 30 or just me being fed up and irritated, but it seems I can't make friends anymore and have no patience, and the pandemic certainly doesn't help.
I can't remember the last time I met someone from the opposite sex, I can't remember the last time a girl smiled at me. Online dating is absolutely miserable and doesn't work, I worked hard on improving my profile and pictures, I messaged/swiped thousands and thousands of profiles, 99% don't reply and the rest just flake/play games once I ask them out, it's so frustrating. Yet I don't know how to meet girls outside, with everyone wearing masks+sunglasses, people being 500% more defensive about their personal space, and most foreigners leaving to wait out the pandemic at home (I'm a foreigner and local women don't look at me as a dating option, never had luck with them, only with other foreigners).I'm anti-porn and have always been, I have an addictive personality, yet I learned to control myself over the years and avoid addictive substances/activites because I know how quickly I can fall down the hole, yet it leaves me with a lot of frustration and a lot of energy which has no release.
I'm an immigrant in this country but I've come to hate it and hate the locals because of the way it treats foreigners, still I have to stay and work here for at least a few more years to get the nationality, which will open up many doors for me, leaving is not even an option.
I managed to keep myself busy for a while, taking care of my health, and focusing on hobbies. But I'm tired, it's not that I don't enjoy my hobbies anymore, but they're all computer-based and I'm fed up and don't want to stay inside. I'm constantly irritated and dread monday morning. I feel like everywhere I look to, everyone just wants to take me for a ride, waste my time and take my money. I feel like everyone just wants things from me but nothing more.
I just wanted to get this all off my chest, I just want all this frustration to end. I can't remember the last time I woke up excited. I can't remember the last time I had a genuinely fulfilling conversation with someone or felt any kind of connection. With every passing day my frustrations and bitterness grow and I'm worried it's visible on my face (developing a kind of RBF) which causes a kind of feedback loop making the whole thing worse.
submitted by thrwawayhair to offmychest [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 10:31 loitering5322 Brown blood found after two weeks of missing period

Backstory: My girlfriend has irregular periods and since we used plan b a couple times in the past months I think that's also a cause for the irregularity. We had sex safely maybe except once or twice (no ejaculation in vagina).
Now it's been abit more than two weeks after her "due date" and she found brown blood. Searching online tells me it's a sign of period or "spotting". But I also heard spotting isn't real from Reddit so any info is appreciated
submitted by loitering5322 to amipregnant [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 09:42 nicepplglhf Never been on a date before, what are some things I should or should not do on a first date?

I’ll admit that I’m a pretty socially awkward person, and I don’t have a lot of interactions with people in general, let alone the opposite sex. I have some trouble doing small talks and maintaining a steady flow of conversation. I’ve never really proactively start conversations even with my friends, as they are usually very outgoing, so they usually bring up topics to talk about. But since it’s a date, I feel that I have an obligation to bring up topics to talk about. So I have a lot of questions when it comes to going on a date with someone I barely know online. How long should the date be? Is there a moment where we will just feel like “yeah, it’s been nice talking to you, but let’s set up a date at another time”? Do you have to talk constantly, or can there be moments where we just sit in silence? Also, dating is more than just talking but also some form of intimacy. When is it appropriate to flirt but not come off as cringy or creepy? When is it appropriate to have some form of physical intimacy? I know that’s a lot of questions, but I’m just very anxious that I will screw up the date. Or am I overthinking and I should just go with the flow?
submitted by nicepplglhf to OnlineDating [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 08:19 ThrowRA-Any-Signific My [26M] girlfriend [22F] has hang-ups about sex due to her controlling family

I've been with this girl for a few weeks now (we met online a few months ago and started dating about a month later). Things have been going really great so far. Her and I really click about many things emotionally and we can talk about just about anything and express ourselves comfortably (this is also the first relationship for both of us). As a result of it being a first for both of us, it's been a learning experience for us both. We're now both starting to get into trying out more sexual stuff (no intercourse yet, though I won't go into detail here).
Anyway, that's where we're starting to run into issues. She has intimacy issues and it takes her a while before she starts to feel comfortable doing things sexually. We've talked about it before on several occasions; it's something that her and I both want to experience and we both have really high sex drives, but she'll sometimes have moments of shame/regret after we do anything sexual.
For context, she still lives with her parents/grandparents due to both covid and still being in school. She's Chinese and her family has some very.. traditional(?) ideas (I don't know the full context since I don't come from that background, but essentially they're very against sex before marriage and value the concept of purity). I've talked to her about it and she now believes this is where her intimacy issues stem from. She's worried now that if her family finds out we did anything sexual they'll constantly shame her for it, or even disown hekick her out in the worst case scenario. She doesn't have a job yet (she's been applying to a few full-time positions, but she wouldn't actually begin work until she graduates next year if she got them, so moving out isn't really an option) I am of the opinion that what we do is our business and her family does not need to know about it, but her family knows about our relationship and lately they've been asking her whether or not we've had sex, and she finds it hard to not be honest to them about it.
So I am asking you, reddit, what should we do here? How can we make this work?
submitted by ThrowRA-Any-Signific to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 08:01 Competitive-Ad-32 I don’t feel guilty and want to keep it going but inside I know it’s wrong

 I’m a college student in a long distance relationship. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we get along amazing in person. But he left for college into a different state for a football scholarship we decided to stay together and be in a long distance relationship instead of breaking up bc of college. So far this long distance thing has been going on for 2 years and I’ve been completely loyal and I know he has to but only physically. I found numerous text on his phone with other girls and he was on dating apps just to text females for nudes. I was really mad to see all those messages because he was always to busy to talk to me. We got into an argument and broke up for a while but I got back with him because I felt like leaving him wasn’t an answer...we’ve been together for 4 years and I don’t want to lose what we have over txt messages. A few months after this which was the beginning of 2020 I felt super attracted to this guy in my class who I really wanted to talk to but never did because I have a boyfriend. He gave me butterflies every time I saw him and we had two classes together. I didn’t act on it and it’s good that our classes switched to online because I was so attracted to him and I think but not certain he felt the connection too. And if we didn’t separate I would’ve acted on it. Later on that semester my boyfriend eventually came back home because of this pandemic and he was staying with his family and they live in a different city. So I’d visit them as much as possible and one night I was with my friend and his dad called me asking if I knew where my boyfriend was and I was like no. I check his location and I saw it wasn’t on so I assumed his phone died but no one knew where he went and he didn’t have a car...turns out he went out with a girl he confessed and said he wouldn’t do it again but he did it again 2 days later. I have no idea who this girl is or if he’s lying about what they did. He told me he knew her from playing video games and they just decided to meet up to get something to eat. I couldn’t stand him at the moment so I stopped talking to him for a few days and then forgave him and took him on his word. The next 2 months we stayed at his apartment and I felt like I was forcing this relationship because our sex life became terrible I’d always start arguments with him and woke up angry every morning until I went back home. Right now we’re back to long distance and in different states. Since we’ve been apart I’ve been thinking of my crush and I thought the feelings went away but I was hoping to have a class with him but I don’t so I found his instagram sent him a dm and he replied yesterday but I didn’t respond yet...what am I doing? Is this wrong? 
submitted by Competitive-Ad-32 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 07:09 Sample_not_for_sale Adventurous opportunities not taken

What sexual opportunities did you pass up, but end up fantasizing about now?
I've (F) had a lot of fun in my sex life, fortunately with few regrets. There's a few situations that came my way back in my 20's, however, just seemed like that might have been too intense at the time, I was still too much of a prude, so I chickened out and passed on it.
One couple approached me via my online dating profile and said they were wondering if I'd be down to be a unicorn for them. It felt a bit odd to just sign up for sex with them when we hadn't met before, didn't really know what they had in mind and simply said "flattered but no". Now I wish I'd have talked to them about it a bit first and maybe met up with them just to see if it could have worked out.
During a conference this pair of hot guys were constantly trying to get me up to their room to fuck. I remember the one describing exactly how he'd eat me out until I was screaming. Definitely got the impression they both wanted a turn, maybe together at once. I chickened out but always regretted it.
And I've always been interested in sex with another woman. If I'd been more attracted to the ones that reached out to me, maybe I'd have considered it. Maybe I should have tried for the ones I liked. But since I've never had to look too hard for a guy who fucks like a champ and loves to get hard by eating me out first, I didn't get around to working up the nerve and try it out before I settled down.
We have no interest in an open marriage or bringing in a unicorn. It's not a problem, we have plenty of fun in bed just the two of us. These regrets have just become part of my fantasizing repertoire and I wanted to share.
submitted by Sample_not_for_sale to sex [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 05:47 CeruleanDayze (24/F/Aegosexual) Looking for someone to settle down and run a Stardew Valley farm with. (Maybe even Minecraft if we click)

All jokes aside, I really enjoy gaming, and it would be nice to have someone to game with! Without further ado, I'm Dayze! Not my real name, but it's what I go by online right now.
I really hope that I'll find people to to talk to here. I'm pretty squarely inside the Bible Belt and people who are familiar with Asexuality aren't that common, especially not when it comes to those willing to date someone like me who really has no interest in doing the horizontal tango with someone else. I'm a liberal and a feminist, and no I will not debate my political stance as I don't feel like I need to justify my beliefs to anyone.
I would love to meet someone that I can talk to, or play games with, or just chill with. Bonus points if you wanna send me pictures of your pets or cool rocks or flowers that you find!
submitted by CeruleanDayze to asexualdating [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 05:12 Haniel_7 Do guys also string girls along for female attention other than sex?

So I met this guy through online dating app with the intention of just having casual hookup. Didn't think anything of it. After our first 'hangout', he would text me almost every day to check in on me but when I reply, he won't text back until the very next day or hours later. Where do you think he is going with this? Do guys also just string girls along for attention other than sex? Am I being strung along or is he playing hard to get? I personally it's the former but also interested to hear what you have to say lol.
submitted by Haniel_7 to dating [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 02:47 throwaway910101010 We had a biiig talk / thank you to this sub (update)

So updating from my post the other day. I was going to just add an update there but I have a lot to say
First I want to say thank you!! I was really afraid to open up to reddit about what we were going through. I don’t like to put my business online or even to my friends/family because sometimes outside opinions aren’t helpful. But in this case it was really helpful. I only came across one or two rude responses and everyone else was kind and helpful. I really appreciated the sensitivity, understanding and kindness. There were a lot of really helpful suggestions. You all gave me a lot of ideas of how to approach my situation.
So what I did was I waited until my son was asleep for his nap and asked my husband if we could take the love language quiz again. He was still feeling remorseful from our argument a few nights ago so I knew he felt bad, I didn’t want to come at him from a place of frustration or blame (even though I was hurt) but rather from the angle of how can I help him be happier and how can he help me be happier. Basically let’s work on this together.
So we took the quiz. His was words of affirmation as his top language and mine was acts of service. I don’t recall his language being that when we took it in the pat! It surprised me but he opened up about his need of validation. Something he hadn’t really expressed to me before. I knew he could be insecure about a lot of things but I never realized how much more verbal recognition he needed from me in order to feel more confident in multiple areas of our relationship (namely sex, and my previous issues did not help here. His confidence in the bedroom is shot from both these things. Something we are now committed on working on.)
I asked him if he would consider therapy. He agreed to do it if I agreed to return as well. He was more open to couples counseling than I expected based on his past feelings towards it. I asked if he would consider therapy for himself too/first because he has a lot of things from his childhood he told me he knows he isn’t dealing with and he feels is responsible for some of his behavior and his depression. He’s really uncomfortable with opening up to a stranger about it but I asked him to try. He said he will think about it.
We also addressed the baby thing. I explained to him again that I’m not comfortable having another - yet. Especially since we’ve only just started experiencing enjoyable sex for the last few months, it would nice to actually enjoy it and continue to improve that area of our relationship which has been on the back burner for too long. He listened and heard me out for my reasons. He told me he just hoped our kids would be closer in age for each other’s sake. Which I get. We both can acknowledge that it’s complicated and a topic we will have to continue to work on together.
He apologized profusely for the not pulling out incident and his dishonesty. I forgave him and we had a long discussion about why it wasn’t ok. He gets it. He feels stupid about it. I’m letting it go and I think I can believe that it won’t happen again.
Ultimately at the end of our conversation, he told me that he felt more emotionally connected to me than he had in a long time and he wants to continue having these open conversations more frequently. We are going to try to commit to two things: 1. A weekly chat about our relationship and any issues, concerns and also recognition of things that are going right. 2. Date night. During covid we know it’s complicated but we’ve discussed some different things we can do at home. He has promised to take the next few dates into his own hands and surprise me so I don’t have to make all the effort and I have promised to work on loving him in his love language. He is an incredible provider and father and I do love him a lot. We both discussed our different mental loads (his demanding job and his complete handling of our finances/budgeting/paying bills, me being a sahm and running everything in our household except for financials). I didn’t realize how little I verbally recognized his efforts through praise and what not - even though I do appreciate him, he needs to hear it. It’s something I’m going to work on.
Marriage is something we got to work at every day. It’s far from simple. I’m really glad we were able to open up to each other. I hope that we stick to our promises to each other.
Lastly, I just want to say thanks again. Listen guys the world is a shitty place sometimes. The first comment I got on this post was incredibly mean. It made my heart drop to my stomach and made me question my concerns and if I was the worst wife who just didn’t appreciate my husband. But then the rest of you commented and reminded me that humanity can be really good and kind. We’re all human and have different experiences but we can help each other. I’m really thankful for the kindness of you reddit strangers. I really really am. I’m going to make a real account and try to be more active in these communities because I want to be able to help someone like how many of you helped me.
TLDR: We're working on it. And thank you 🖤
submitted by throwaway910101010 to Marriage [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 01:40 orangejuici Story (rant) time: some things I’ve learned about men, dating and relationships in the past year and a lot of things I am questioning.

Around Fall 2019 I started hanging out with one of my friends, whom up until then I only considered an acquaintance, but we definitely have grown to be very close friends. Her and I were in sort of similar situations. She separated from her husband around the same time my ex and I broke up (Spring 2019). At the time, she was 29 and I was 28 and we both found ourselves to be the last single ones in our friend groups so we decided to start going out together more and just sharing our dating stories with each other. Her and her ex separated because… well long story short. They were in a relationship since their early 20’s. She was never sure about him because she had expressed to me before marrying him that she wasn’t too crazy for him and I’m just going to come right out and say it, she married him for a US green card. She’s lived in the US for 15 years by extending her visa but I think in 2017 she had to return home or something so her and her ex got married and were only married for 1.5 years and she’s admitted to me before that she only married him for that. Her and I are very different in a lot of ways. For example, the fact that she used her ex for a citizenship is something that goes against my personal morals but I don’t feel it’s my place to judge her so I just accept her for who she is. But we are similar in a sense that we both just want to find love and be happy. I’ve always viewed her as more of a…. fun, outgoing but I’d say not very deep, mannequin type gf, like a trophy wife sort of. Whereas I feel that I come off a little classier, confident and assertive and not shallow but maybe not considered a “hot girl” like she is. For these reasons I always pictured our dating experiences and preferences to be different and, in a way, they are.
Here is how it’s been. She gets wayyyy more attention than I do. Whether we’re out, using dating apps or whatever. When it comes to in-person, she is more approachable; guys are easily attracted to her and talk to her very easily. I don’t get nearly as much attention. I definitely don’t feel I’m as approachable as her and I don’t mind it because it’s my way of weeding out a lot of unwanted attention from men I would never even consider, but of course I may be missing out on getting attention from someone that is actually worthwhile too so I realize I need to work on this. I just worry that I’ll come off sleazy and honestly it’s just not in me to be overly available and inviting. I find myself to be a little too reserved to behave like that. I always say, a guy who really wants to get to know me, will accept me as I am. And I guess for online dating, again, same thing, I think my dating profile comes off more conservative and for sure looks like the profile of a girl who’s trying to be serious (BECAUSE I AM) and the thing is my friend is also trying to be serious but just comes off more ‘hot and exciting’ and I’ve seen screenshots of some of her conversations they’re a lot more playful than mine so gets more attention online dating too.
Let me put this out there, I am not jealous, and I am not comparing. These are observations and this is what I’ve taken away from it. I’m going to be as blunt as possible about this. Basically this is how I view her. She’s a pretty girl who is a lot of fun but has no goals for the future (this is true, she doesn’t), she works sort of an average job, she parties a lot, she’s 30 and her social media is selfie after selfie and bikini pics galore, her personality is extremely flirtatious (I’d say she lacks sophistication), she’s not trashy but I wouldn’t necessarily use the word “classy” to describe her either. I’d describe her as a fun, hot, party girl who deserves love and happiness like anyone else but probably with someone in her orbit, someone shallow, fun, likes going out a lot, maybe average career aspects. But she’s trying to date doctors, lawyers, dentists with very successful careers and they for sure are attracted to her but don’t commit to her and I’m not surprised but just don’t have the heart to tell her it’s because they just want to fuck you.
I have a really good job in the legal friend, I’m currently in law school, and since I’m being honest, I’ll say it, I am a lot smarter than her but yes I acknowledge that I’m probably not as hot and exciting but I am a pretty girl. And so I go for similar guys as she does, the successful type and here’s the thing, those guys, don’t commit to me either but on top of that, they don’t even want to hang out with me or hook up (not that I would but it does make me wonder… like okay am I not attractive?). I’ve always pictured these type of men to eventually settle down with someone who was on their level professionally, intellectually and even physically. Like the guys I’m interested are not by any means out of my league (I’ll provide photos for whoever cares). But instead, these guys view my friend as the hot girl they want to casually date and me as nothing and then god knows what type of unicorn they’re trying to commit to? And this isn’t even something that’s happened once or twice. This is literally a theme. Also, we’re not dating the same guys or anything lol but we are dating similar types of guys. So like she’ll go out with someone and he will keep hitting her up, obsessing over her pictures, texts her, dms her, wants to see her, they keep hooking up, she’s getting all this attention. And then for me, I’ll go out with a guy, we have a great first date and I actually end up kind of liking him and looking forward to seeing him again. The second we part ways, his entire demeanor changes, he’ll either disappear into oblivion or if he texts me, they’re shorter and shorter and become sporadic until they stop entirely. I used to confront guys about this and they would gaslight me so I just stopped. Basically, I can’t get passed date one and it’s not like I’m all sad and worked up like I just lost the love of my life but I do wonder like… damn how are all these guys all over her all the time but I’m so easily forgettable? It seriously makes me feel like I’m not good enough or worthless which makes me feel like I’m putting my worth and value in the hands of a man but I just can’t help to wonder. Like I am a heterosexual woman who has desires you know like how can I NOT wonder how the opposite sex feels about me?
I am so puzzled at the fact that her and I are so different and again since I’m being honest, I always considered myself to be a better catch than her but she’s having all the luck and I’m a huge epic fail. I know I’m coming off bitter in this post but that’s really not what it is. I am genuinely confused. And so going back to the title, this is what I’ve learned. Everything I’ve heard/seen in movies, tv shows, articles online or any advice I’ve been given about men and their dating habits and preferences in absolute bullshit lol.
Based on my experience men don’t care who you are, what job you have, what you studied, how smart and independent you are, how kind or caring or sweet or loving you are, what similar interests you have, what your goals are, they don’t care about any of that. All they seem to care about is a hot piece of ass, men just want to get the hottest girl they can. Everything that every man on subs like this say about how men are visual and this and that has turned out to be true.
submitted by orangejuici to dating [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 01:14 fapstronaut9410 Externalizing how finished I am with this..

I'm a 25 y/o male and it's been about 18 months since I discovered my complete PIED. It was around then I discovered NoFap. Yet here I am still messing around and not addressing my issues by totally cutting PMO out of my life for good.
It's 97 days until Christmas, 104 until the New Year. I'm not counting other than knowing that's enough time to make permanent life changes, which means I can be a different man coming into 2021. 2020 has been the worst year of my life to date.
Great community you have here and I'm done flirting with it, I'm going to live by it. If you're just discovering your issues, or believe you have some, PLEASE don't waste the time I have.. stop immediately, don't let your urges control you, because they will. What you're worried about is real, there is something wrong, and "just one more" thinking gets you fucking nowhere, take it from me.
It's incredibly depressing to think that my drive for sex and stimulation has been so strong that it had completely eradicated my ability to do anything in that department with an actual woman of my dreams, who was more beautiful than 99% of the shit I've whacked off to online. I've used Viagra as a crutch with somebody else since then, and now even in my dreams I need a pill to perform. This shit penetrates your entire psyche if you let it.
It is such an incredibly simple thing to do at heart, and I'm going to do it from now. I've done a lot of research despite not putting any of it to use, and I believe things can and will be better in the future. We just need to let them.
submitted by fapstronaut9410 to NoFap [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 01:01 Crystal007635 I feel guilty for asking my boyfriend to come to the police with me when he’s struggling with family issues.

TLDR: I was blackmailed and now have enough info about the man to report him to the cops, but idk if I should ask my bf or a friend to come with me to the cops because my bf is having familial issues at the same time.
Sorry if this is long/has mistakes. English isn’t my first language so feel free to point out mistakes, I’ll fix them.
Back in June of 2020, I briefly dated a 19 year old man from California, I lived in Belgium (let’s call him J) it was an online relationship. It was an ok thing until one day, when we were talking, he convinced me to send a slightly tracking picture of myself for him. He took a screenshot of it and threatened to send it to my friends if I didn’t send him the nudes he wanted (I had categorically refused to send nudes before that). I was extremely scared of what would happen if he followed through with his claims so I complied. He saved all the photos.
After the incident, I made a post on my story asking my friends to block his account and to tell me if an account messaged them claiming to have pictures of me. So many people reached out for support, Including my current boyfriend (he will be named L) ,whom I had only known for a month, and just as a friend, this was so unexpected and sweet of him, it has always been on my mind that he offered support when we had barely known each other.
Throughout the summer, I kept tabs on J through a sims account I’ve had for a while (don’t judge me ok), just to make sure he wasn’t posting things on his story about me. I tried to go to the police but since I didn’t know his full name, wasn’t even sure if the name/age/location he gave me was real, they dropped the case. This was extremely difficult because I just felt like nothing could be done to prevent him from harming another girl again.
Fast forward to now, L and I have been dating for just over a month, and he’s having some familial issues. I’m doing my best to support him, now that I’ve moved to the uk and that our unis are in the same city. 2 days ago, I decided to check up on J. He had posted a story (his account is public), in it was a screenshot of an Amazon order with the address blocked out, but his full name was visible, and I could see the CA of California. I’m seeing this as my second chance to try to report him, because it makes me sick to think he could be taking advantage of another girl, especially since I was still 17 when it all happened (I’m 18 now).
I’m determined to go to the police, I’ve emailed my university’s legal advice team to get more help on how to bring it up to the police, what I can press charges for, how likely it is to lead to anything and other questions I have. If they advice me to go t the police, even for a paper trail, I’ll go. But I’m painfully aware of the fact that women who go to report sex crimes, especially online sex crimes can be treated very poorly by the police, not believed, discredited etc... so this encounter is probably going to be very emotionally painful, so I would want to go with L, since I trust him to be supportive.
However, seeing that he’s having his own issues as well at the same time, I’m feeling like it may not be appropriate to ask him to support me like that in that instance, that in our relationship, he should be the one that is supported. Maybe I should ask a friend to come with me instead and not ask him if he can come with me (he’s aware of the fact I’m gonna go to the police) so that he doesn’t have to feel obligated to come with me. Because I know that if I ask him, even if I insist that he doesn’t have to accept, he will, he’s that sweet and caring.
So my question is: is it inappropriate to ask my boyfriend, who is struggling with his own life issues right now to support me when I’ll report a guy that blackmailed me or should I go and ask a friend instead?
submitted by Crystal007635 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 00:23 wifeyteachermama I (39f) am still struggling to deal with prednisone-withdrawing husband (48m)

I posted about this last weekend. My husband is withdrawing from prednisone after a surgery earlier this year that has had him on several rounds, the most recent one ending about roughly two months ago.
He has been unbearable. The person who he was before all this appears to just be gone. Last weekend I was dealing with intense grouchiness and hatefulness which has abated after he finally saw an online primary care doctor who diagnosed him with prednisone withdrawal syndrome. Having a context helped him to chill out. That is good.
But then...I’m just still left with everything else. He got a sore throat and virus midweek and despite running a fever and feeling awful, he refused to take a day off. So he has been lethargic and without any energy. He won’t take any medicine. He feels like crap and won’t do anything about it. He does what he always does. Goes to work, comes home, plays video games until he goes to bed. He says he has no energy for anything else.
We once had a fantastic sex life. That is simply gone. I can’t even get him to give me a massage or hold me as I touch myself or anything. If I try to make advances he gets pissed off and tells me I am making him feel bad for not being able to do anything.
However...despite having no energy as he says, he has energy for things he wants or chooses to do. Like going bowling or going fishing with his kids or working 92 hours in a pay period without a day off even though he is running a fever. I have been waiting for months for him to fix one of our bathrooms because the shower doesn’t work, finish painting the living room, even clean out my vacuum since it is full of spiders he vacuumed up. He doesn’t have the energy for that. Even though I teach full time and have two young girls to manage, he will not lift a finger to help me with housework. If I ask him, he says he will “get to it later” and of course that never happens.
Last night was supposed to be our date night but it was nothing more than me sitting next to him while he played his video games until he went to bed early because he had to work and again despite running a fever wouldn’t take time off.
Tonight was supposed to be extra time for us but he again sat down at his video games. Again told me to stop bothering him for sex. And then announced he was going to go pick up his youngest son to spend the night when we had already agreed to spend time together.
I finally told him how I felt, frustrated, neglected, that my needs weren’t being met. He acted like a dick and somehow it was all my fault.
I went to run errands and came back to find that he had showered and had gotten dressed to take me out for dinner. I thought this was nice until he began to berate me for wanting sex, his dick didn’t work, I needed to get over it, what if he was never able to have sex again what the f would I do then? This ruined what was supposed to be a nice gesture. Especially when it was followed with “I am taking you to get dinner even though I usually don’t reward pissy little brat fits...”
I finally just asked him to leave me alone, that I just wanted to be alone.
I don’t know what to do. I miss who my husband used to be. He wasn’t like this until the health stuff happened. He is supposed to see another doctor in October and get some blood work done to see what’s going on and what they can do. Tonight I felt like the best thing I could do was just shut myself away in another part of the house.
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2020.09.20 00:19 justanothervirgin01 Why I (24 F virgin) hate Covid 19

Writting about your self is hard and I really dont know how to shart this. I am 24 F I am a virgin never kisses a guy never touched by a guy, never saw porn, never done anything sexual. Yes I am ashamed of this.
My whole life people called me every name there is. My dad was yelling at me when I couldnt understand something regarding my homework (joke on you dad I have dyslexia) 3 or 4 girls from my class made fun of me, 8 boys made fun of me from my class too, 3 from an other class and year (a year younger ) hurt me psychically. The one thing they all had in common (apart from my dad) was that they told me I am ugly and no one will be able to love me. Then at junior high school and high school there were 2 girls that made fun of me and a couple of guys. The guys wrote me letters telling me I am so so pretty and how they wanted me but I had not to speak to them cause we are from 2 different worlds. During this time ( from elementary to high school I have thought , a lot of times, about committing suicide, even planned it but never attempted it.)
I thought that at some point God was going to help me, I saw people that broke a leg or had a terrible, according to them day and they won the joker or found someone THE SAME DAY and still are with this person and me nothing. In my head I thought that I would turn 18 and a guy from ages 18 to 24 would like me, would want to be with me.(my cousin is 15 and dates a person)
Me that had being in constant bullying, physical pain (stomach punches, hair pulling, name calling and teachers that blamed me for this like I wanted this to happen to me) got nothing. At university my route was the same home university university home. I made a few friends but not all of them are from my city and some that are dont want to hung out with me. (I have 2 close friends in my city that had ex's and when we go out they talk about sex and guys and relationships and me I just shut up and waiting for this to end )
Humans must have a connection with someone right? And I dont mean only a sexual connection but also a friendship connection. I am failing that too.
I thought this was going to be my year. I got into a good university outside of my country, I would be free to do things that I want, explore my self, live with out my parents yelling at me to study or my mom picking my clothes,hoping that i will get a job in an other country ,live there and date someone, find someone that likes me and thinks I am an ok person to be with. I know I am not the prettiest or the sexiest and I am ok with that. Now I see people going out, traveling at the university,planning online to meet ( there is a gc and i see them planning it) and then there is me.
I havent left the house in almost a month, the last time I left was for 30 minutes to walk around the block of my house.I see others complaining about the masks or the fact that there were in and couldnt go for a walk and for me this is my life! I can't see movies cause suprise they all have a sexual element in them, even the crime stories have a sex scene nowadays.
I just wanted this to be my year, the year I would be free from anything that holded me down,touch my self, kiss someone, hey maybe sleep in thr same bed with a guy (just sleep nothing sexual) maybe have sex with him, I dont think I am asking to much. I just dont want to feel like this anymore. So for the reasons above yes I hate covid. A LOT. Now I know I will die a virgin (a complete virgin) that is crying almost everyday.
I haven't experienced this feeling of sex and love and for me they are 2 feelings I will never experience.
Thanks for reading.Sorry if I am a pain in the ass I just feel like I am years behind at something that feels natural and normal.
Ps. Is it normal that I think I am a terrible person, a disappointment to my family and saying that I am sorry for everything a lot during a day?
Ps 1. Yes I have tried online dating, I matched with a guy that only matched with me to tell me I am ugly and I am scaring away the beautiful people and yes that made me feel more ugly and have a rejection fear
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2020.09.19 23:24 ecconej I'm [33f] met a guy [36m] offline from the other side of the country... and confused...

I'm from the very northeast of the US and hes from the very southeast of the US. We met randomly on KiK one day, talked for a few months and kinda found out we liked each other's personalities and were genuinely intrested in eachother. Kik lead to phone calls lead to FaceTime lead to other things.... so we knew exactly what eachother looked like.
It was all just fun for a while then he dropped the i wish i could date you. And said it a few times over the next few days or so. I told him i was out of a relationship that my ex was never around and I was alone alot and was not intrested in getting into something that I couldn't touch.
So he got that and things went back to just talking and having "fun" once and a while, covid has not been kind to anyone's dating life..... so even though I liked him, I kept myself at a distance anyway.
One day he suggested we meet up. With covid and flying, I didn't think it was the best of ideas, but I decided hell, why not right? I still kept myself in check and in reality that with the distance, its such a bad idea to get romanticly involved with someone I can't touch on the daily.
I was very open about this, admitted to him that I did think he was pretty damn awsome anyway and he basically said the same. But there are some things that throw me off about him. He said he has always been carreer driven and can move anywhere and not worry, but wants more than a carreer now. I kinda say I dont want you to do anything that he could regret. I, a single mom of 2 young kids, am established and comfortable and financially secure, dont intend on going anywhere. He said hes 100% in and if things work out, hes down. This makes me nervous, so nervous that I find myself stepping back. I still agreeded to meet him.
I took a few days off and we met half way, he flew 2 hrs, i drove 2 hrs. We met up. Immediately attracted to him, still think there a few things about his personality that are eccentric and extra, but creative and smart. Hes not like the other people I dated who were very masculine and kill a bear with a spoon, but hes emotional, open (maybe overly open sometimes) with his feelings and (i hate to use this to describe him because its not necessarily a negative) has an overall more feminine personality.
We are A LOT alike, its shocking at times, but it was comfortable after the initial "meeting for the first time" nervousness. It was easy. A few manorisms threw me off, but over all it was a good time. He made me dinner (best thing I ever ate) had a glass of wine and 2 hard seltzers (wanna be clear neither one of us were drunk) and talked, no pressure in anything.
Night goes on, we kiss... and flipped between talking and making out seamlessly, we get into eachother and sleep together and fall asleep together.
It was not an awkward waking up like "fuck what I do instant regret", it was comfortable. We cuddled up and fell back asleep again, had a morning sex, made me coffee and it was nice. The sex was not the most mind blowing thing, but I've had worse.
A few more rounds later, were talking and I say, listen, if you want to leave what ever this is here after we leave, I just want to know since lobg distance relationships aren't really what we were looking for (initally). He said hes 100% in and wants to see where else this goes. There is some love bombing involved here which throws me off some too.
My brain immediately goes to now what??
So, I drop him off at the air port we kiss good bye and I go drive my 2 hrs home. I run over everything in my head, idk if its me catching feelings, me denying that or not wanting to catch feelings, or if his completely opposite type of person I normally date is throwing me off or if its his eagerness to move to be closer and leaving his life....
But here's the tldr of all this
****TLDR: met guy online from long distance away, hes ready to jump ship from where he is to start a relationship and it scares the crap out of me.
*****Edit and update: I have come to the conclusion that he is fangirling over me and it really puts me off. This conversation happened today:
Him: U have no idea! Everything about u to me is one massive perk! You're a dreamgirl
Me: lol yeah nightmare dressed like a daydream lol
Him: Mmmmm, you are without a shadow if a doubt, the most beautiful, gorgeous, amazing woman, i have have ever laid eyes on, hence why i kept staring into your eyes.
Me: aw thank you!!
Him: no thank you!
Me: for what?
Him: U kidding me. Well first off, for just being you, and being so sweet to me, like that was new for me. U just got me, thats all. Your just dreamy.
Me: Are you fangirling over me?
Him: Yes....... im kind of a diffrent kind of guy. But unfortunately that is who I am.
Me: lol oh ok.
This entire conversation made me realize the obsession he shows is kinda a huge red flag....
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2020.09.19 23:20 AlexEshwim Scared of dating bc I am scared of catching STD

Okay, so I am a male, 26, med student. I decided to go online to find a date. I ran into this dilemma. Let's say the girl is sleeping around while looking for a date (i don't think anything i wrong with that) but let's say she went on 2 dates thus hypothetically let's say she hooked up 2 times with different people (maybe this is just her way of finding her BF, idk not judging) but like let's say you are the 3rd date... how do you go about telling her your concern? Concern meaning hey umm I know you are sleeping around so I am kinda worried about STIs. Does anyone understand what I am trying to say? IDK its hard to explain. I am not telling her to stop doing what she is doing.... its more like i dont think i wana have sex with you because I find that to be a bit risky..... but if all guys are having sex with her that means I will not be giving her something the rest are, and I know I can charm her other ways I get that but even then lets say she chooses me.... I would still want her to get tested which would probably make most women upset rigth?
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2020.09.19 22:24 FastBrilliant1 Inexperienced with guys curious guy here - should I wait to try sex with someone I care about. a.k.a. are hookups a bad idea?

Hey gaybros, 42yo guy here in the UK. Been straight most of my life but have been curious for a long time too. Some people might describe me as bi, or even gay. I haven't really found labels to be very helpful though tbh. I should say I've enjoyed numerous hookups with women in my life and rarely if ever suffered any kind of strong negative self-directed emotions. I'm not after an opinion or judgement over whether it's ethically right or wrong to have gay sex (I believe it's totally ok as long as it's between consenting adults). I just seem to be 'stuck' (?) in this space where I do fantasize about having sex with guys, but I think it would be better if I waited to do it with someone I cared about (vs. just find a hookup on grindr / online). Just wondering how much value there is to waiting to do it with someone I have some proper connection with - especially as it would be my first proper time. My only other experience was kind of out of desperation / boredom / impatience when I met someone through Craigslist and it just kind of gross. I felt somewhat gross afterwards - the guy was a bit of a dick and it was all hurried (just JO).
Since then I've lost count of the number of guys I've flirted with online - rarely even sharing face pictures but nearly all other types pictures - but never gone through and met up with. I feel nervous about doing so and I question whether it's because I really want to find someone that I have something meaningful with, or I'm just scared of something that will be great. I sometimes explain to guys I chat with that I'm a bit nervous about meeting up. There are cool / nice guys who say 'no worries, take your time, let me know when you're ready' kind of thing but I haven't taken that step with. I guess the best thing might be to meet people for 'dates' - a coffee, something friendly and relaxed..?
Peace xx
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2020.09.19 21:44 confused_asf123 I don’t want sex and love has been ruined for me

I don’t want sex at all and I don’t know if I want to experience romantic love either.
I know that I have so much of my life ahead of me as an 18 year old girl but I want to give up on love.
I tell myself that if I end up without it, then it’s fine but I can’t help but feel very curious to what it’s like to be loved by someone romantically instead of only being the object of someone’s sexual desire.
I have relied on online dating to meet people. I usually try to act like I use it for validation (the matches and Super Likes are nice) but there is a small part of me that hopes that someone would want to get into a romantic relationship like me.
Obviously, it usually ends up not great. I usually try to have a positive outcome but overtime, I have reached the point where I already assume it’s not going to work out and so I detach myself.
Every time I think something could happen, I just get blindly used for only sexual reasons before it makes me feel even more empty than before. After a couple of traumatic sexual experiences, I no longer want to be vulnerable with another person sexually (I’m still a virgin though).
Even masturbation doesn’t feel right anymore. I masturbate to feel some sort of pleasure outside of the constant emptiness but instead, I feel even more worse/empty than I did before.
The line between sexual desire and true romantic affection has been so blurred that I often wonder if I am worthy of being loved or if I’m just a hole.
I’m not the best mentally right now but I try my best to be the best person I can be. Unfortunately, I just go through people too fast because they want one thing and I want another.
I also don’t know if I believe in love after finding out that my dad has cheated on my mom after 20 years of marriage (yet they still pretend nothing has happened and they don’t know that I know). This has really ruined my perception of love and healthy relationships. I no longer see their relationship the same nor do I want a relationship at all.
I’ve reached a point where I don’t even know if I want to even date anyone anymore because I don’t want to be unhappy like that anymore. The whole experience has been ruined for me.
Due to all of this, I do come off as very lonely to others but I don’t really want to reach out there and pursue anything romantic with anyone. I think I’d rather just be alone for as long as possible even if it does hurt quite a bit. If love has been ruined for me, how do I allow myself to view it positively again?
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2020.09.19 19:09 HumbledButBuoyant From The Files Of “All Is Well That Ends Well” (AKA “Sometimes Fate Is Kind, And Does For Us What We Can’t Do For Ourselves — Thank You, Fate!”)

For 25 years I was — with a few glorious and short-lived exceptions — in a dead bedroom.
For many years, it was so very hard (no pun intended) to be in love with a low libido partner. I knew from experience that I never tired from physical intimacy, and when I was in an intimate moment I literally was erect all the time and without needing a rest of any kind. And I remember thinking — before I met my future wife — that a partner with a high libido was important to me.
But then I met my future wife, and was just so very intrigued by her, and then I fell in love with her, and even after the kissing (I never knew there were people who didn’t like kissing till I met her) and the spontaneous sex dwindled after those first few weeks, I was so taken by her that I figured I would make the lack of libido work.
But oh my god it was challenging at times over the years. There was the time just a few months into our relationship where we hadn’t had sex for a few weeks (although we spent every free moment of every day with each other) and she was heading out on a week long trip the next day, so I assumed sex would be imminent that night. But it wasn’t, and it is impossible to overstate how tortured I was that next week while I waited for her to return.
Then there were all the other times during our relationship milestones where sex is often a natural part of that milestone — moving in together, getting engaged, getting married, buying our first house together, and traveling together — where sex either didn’t happen or barely happened. I remember the well of resentment that lurked below the surface that I just covered up the best I could, like the time when my future wife and I moved in together and my coworker was teasing me about all the sex we must be having. “Isn’t it fun to christen every room?”he was asking me, and I just said, “Heck yes,” but was thinking about how in a week of living together we’d had very lame sex a grand total of once.
A few years later, I was having coffee with a platonic female friend who was complaining about her husband’s complaining about wanting to have more sex. “If he’d just learn a little foreplay he’d get a LOT more sex,” my coworker said, and how so very much I wished in that moment that my wife liked foreplay and responded to foreplay.
My wife would tell me about some of her friends’ stories. There was the one friend who was married to a jerk, but the friend was perpetually horny so the guy was getting blow jobs and every kind of sex for hours each night. Or the other friend who loved daily sex, so her husband was getting sex each and every afternoon. And how my wife mocked these ladies, saying if they had more to keep them busy they’d be having less sex. But is there anything wrong with being less busy and having amazing (or even not so amazing) sex? I didn’t think so. And how much I envied these women’s husbands!
I read articles on how to get my wife to have more sex. There were all the suggestions about foreplay — been there and done that without luck; in fact, my wife hated foreplay and that was something I’d excelled at in my single days (I loved doing everything-but-sex since that reduced the risk of pregnancy and STDs, plus it was a whole heck of a lot of fun to kiss and pleasure someone without using the penis — it just feels so intimate and personal in every way). There was the article about doing more around the house, but I was already doing most (i.e. all) of the domestic work, half of the childraising (and at times doing much more than half of the child-raising as my wife pursued her various projects), and earning most of the money. There were the articles about how some women are instinctively attracted to money, but I was — at the time — earning in the Top 1%. And, not to brag, but I was attractive even into recent years, and in fact attractive enough that friends would embarrass me sometimes with their comments (e.g. the couples happy hour where a lady said “my husband is not as cute as HumbledButBuoyant but he’s still very cute,” which to be honest embarrassed me and made me blush and feel slightly uncomfortable). So the articles were no help at all.
I asked my wife to visit the doctor, and to her credit she did, but he said, “Some people just don’t have as high of sex drives as other people” which just solidified her mindset even more. And my wife even scheduled what she labeled a “sexcation” since she was starting to say she felt like she was not taking advantage of what she had in me (a high libido), but the sexcation ended up meaning lots and lots of exploring of new lands with afterthought sex 4 times in three weeks, which really included only one exciting encounter, an afternoon encounter where we drank shots of the local liquor then engaged in some passionate and loud (missionary) sex before rinsing off and heading to the pool.
At some point over the years, about 10 years ago I think it was, I finally just gave up. Did I want more sex? Oh my god, yes. Did I want some passionate kissing and touch? Yes! But I decided that a life with my wife meant a life with reduced sex, and if given a choice of little sex and life with my wife, or lots of sex and no life with my wife, I’d choose the little sex and wife route. I just loved her too much otherwise.
And soon enough we settled into an every few weeks routine. And eventually I just accepted my fate without complaint. Although sometimes the comments other people made (“I wish I had a marriage like yours, friendship and romance”) rubbed salt in the wounds sometimes.
That all changed this past year.
My wife started law school as a middle age person. And suddenly sex dropped from a challenging once every few weeks to a hellacious once every few months. And she was suddenly so engrossed in school we had very little time for friendship. And more responsibilities were piled on me. All of this, plus a few other things, started to push me into a funk, although not a brooding funk (I am very good at always appearing happy, even when I am not, although those rare times I am angry there is no doubt that I am angry (I once told my wife I always seem to get my way with people when I get angry, and she said it’s because a different side of me comes out that is so sudden and different and chilling that people — even people bigger than I — instinctively back down; my dad is the same way — when he got that look I literally fought the urge to run for my life although he was/is the most gentle human being). But a funk where I just felt so tired and restless all the time. Finally, at my wife’s suggestion, I went back to my therapist who helped me past some illness-related PTSD 10 years ago.
I love my therapist. He is such a great listener. And at times is very supportive of me, but also unafraid to call me on bullsh*t. And he seems to have a natural instinct on what is troubling. And almost immediately he picked up on that my sexless — and increasingly loveless — marriage was weighing on me.
“You’re a person who needs intimacy and affection, and who wants to give intimacy and affection,” he said. “Do you really think you can live the next 20 years of your life without those things while your wife goes on to her next career?” At first, and for the first few months of seeing him, I really did think I could live that way. But then my wife kept getting more distant, and mean, and eventually temperamental wherein I’d leave the house to escape her loud and profane outbursts at me.
Soon I was just so very miserable in my marriage. And my therapist talked to me every week about the need for marriage counseling and possibly a separation, but when I talked to my wife about this she denied we needed those things, or that anything was really wrong with our marriage. In fact, she was putting the blame on me, saying I was not doing enough to love myself or fulfill myself, and if I did those things I would not need her love and affection (my therapist did not like her explanation at all).
Those last few weeks, I was so miserable. And bored. And dreaded those times when I had to be around her. And hated our dead bedroom. And hated all the responsibility she was always putting on me to earn the money and run the household while she focused on her studies and friendships and her individual projects (like baking bread and photography).
But still I would have never left.
Except a miracle happened.
I finally struck up an online friendship with a very cool lady. And although I’ve had a million platonic friendships over the years and never once strayed in any shape or form (to the point that when a friend reached out in February asking if I’d be interested in a side sexual friendship, I shut that sh*t down immediately to the point she apologized and still apologizes from time to time), I felt a bond and a spark forming with this person.
And yet still, I would not have physically strayed or ended the marriage. And after talking to my therapist about this friendship, he strongly urged me to shut it down and instead to focus on getting my wife into marriage counseling. So the next day my friend and I ended our friendship, and I cried to my wife that night, asking for marriage counseling, and she responded better than she had in nearly a year, and suddenly I had hope that it would all work out.
Except it didn’t.
Having never been a cheater, I never felt the need to conceal things. Which meant my wife discovered one of my chats with my ex-friend. And without hesitation she threw me out of the house and ended our marriage (we are going through a divorce).
And just like that, 25 years was irrevocably over.
And now I am dating an amazing lady. And we just had the most amazing love making this past week. And I can honestly say this:
I am sooooooooooooooo f*cking happy to be out of that marriage. And a dead bedroom. And I will never ever — ever — allow myself to be trapped in a dead bedroom again. I am only 50, which means I potentially have nearly half my life left, and I sure as heck am not going to lock it away in a dead bedroom — I’d rather stay single since being single means there is always a chance/hope that good sex lurks nearby (actually I expect what happened this past week to be the start of a very long and very wonderful relationship).
This past week, after working out some rust, I just had the most amazing hour or two each day in the bedroom with a lovely person. And then that hour or two continued on for an additional 22 hours of just enjoying each other’s company in so many different ways. And over the past 25 years I’d forgotten that it can be that way. That you can spend an amazing day together doing all kinds of fun things, and then continue that experience back in the bedroom, where there is lots of talking, lots of experimenting, lots of intimacy, lots of moaning/noise, and just sooooo much pleasure both internally (spiritual) and externally (physically).
So if you are reading this far, and are in a dead bedroom, I am just so very sorry. I know your pain, in every way. And I am just so very grateful that Fate finally gave up on me doing things on my own, and so gave me the cowards way out, which although cowardly was also because my heart was in the right place (saving the marriage). And since my wife asked me to leave I’ve heard from multiple sources (including her friends) that she had been carrying on an emotional — and possibly a physical — affair with our “friend” for the past 2.5 years. She just needed a reason (my chat) to end the marriage guilt free and save face.
Anyway, that is my story for today. Thank you for listening. And I wish you all the best. May happiness and moments of joy find you.
submitted by HumbledButBuoyant to DeadBedrooms [link] [comments]

2020.09.19 17:51 reddodo2 I'm (M22) interested in a girl but I never asked someone out before.

A tl;dr at the end.
I'll start with some background. First I'd like to say I never dated anyone, I was never interested to begin with, the closest I got into having a relationship with someone was when there was this store clerk that was interested in me and I never realized or cared at the time, then she realized she's older than me and lost interest.
I never cared about relationships until 2 years ago where I befriended a really nice girl online, and after months, I realized she started dating one of my friends and then i found out I developed feelings for her that i wasn't aware of until it was too late.
Since then I've thought about a lot of things my mindset towards dating has changed, and I'm willing to give it a go.
Now there's a girl working as a waitress in a Cafe I like and she has my attention, and I wanna ask her out. She's been very warm and welcoming.
Now I know normally I would just go and ask her out, and I don't have much fear of embarrassment but there's something that's stopping me, I live in Iran, and one thing about the society over here is that males and females are forced to be separated in pretty much every point in life, so a lot of us don't get to meet someone of the opposite sex that we might be attracted to, unless we were already acquainted in someway before. Which has created this "invisible" guard between us that makes it harder to approach each other, and since I never had experience with dating to begin with, I have no idea how to approach her.
Tl;Dr there's a waitress at a Cafe that I'm interested in, but I have no experience in dating and I live in a society that has been forced to keep the opposite sexes away from each other.
submitted by reddodo2 to dating_advice [link] [comments]

2020.09.19 13:49 fastzander Commonsense solutions to male sexlessness?

On one hand, I do concur with some radical feminist talking points that the pornographic industry and sex trade are rife with violence and promote the objectification of women, etc. On the other hand, I also concur with some MRA/MGTOW/PUA/incel/etc. talking points that the sexual revolution has made it harder for a lot of men to acquire dates, sex and relationships, that a lot of men have no luck with dating apps + online dating, etc. (Yes, imagine that; actually considering the arguments of both sides of a political issue). I don't think it's either humane or healthy for society as whole to basically tell a double-digit percentage of men that they must live their entire lives without ever experiencing human contact, that they must make do with nothing more than their own imagination + hands, and that any and all conceivable outlets - from pornography to prostitutes to sex dolls to pickup advice - are inherently immoral and impermissible. Is there any happy medium? Any way that women's safety + dignity could be ensured while also ensuring that a plurality of men don't suffer from loneliness + sexual frustration?
I'm asking because I myself can't think of anything off the top of my head.
...government-subsidized voluntary chemical castration?
submitted by fastzander to stupidpol [link] [comments]

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